Dear friends and family,
For the second time, I applied to PhD programs in Philosophy. I applied to three: University of Oregon, University of New Mexico, and University of Hawaii. A new wave of rejection letters are finding their way to my mailbox. Oregon recently let me know they are unable to accept me. The other two are around the corner: I'm sure I would have heard from them by now if I was getting in. The part that makes me sad is that teaching philosophy is the only career I'm passionate about, and it's been extremely difficult to find work as a lecturer with only a Master's Degree. The work I have found is always part-time, never includes benefits, and is never enough to support Anita and I. I'm not giving up, and I might apply to PhD programs again, but at this point I feel my professional career has been marked by very small victories and very big disappointments. I do not blame these institutions for rejecting me. The field is incredibly competitive, and I have to face the fact that I do not excel in it. I'm good at research, but I'm not excellent. The last conference I spoke at really exposed me - I failed. I was out of my league in a room full of professional intellectuals.
I continue to study because I need to, but a part of me thinks that I will never receive a PhD. I do know that I'm an excellent teacher - my student evaluations have always been outstanding. There's a level of passion and thoroughness I bring to teaching that I don't provide other jobs. Unfortunately, in my three years of seeking teaching work, I got one class at Humboldt State University and I am part of a lecturer pool with Ashford University, teaching one class every 30-90 days online. I've received dozens and dozens of letters thanking me for my application, denying me an interview. It's tough but I won't give up.
That being said, my personal life has been remarkable. My travels and experiences with my friends and family have been unbelievable, and I am truly grateful. This song I recorded is meant to express that gratefulness. In life, I have little to complain about. I have been incredibly lucky, I've made some incredible journeys, and I will make more. My family gave me incredible opportunities and taught me how to travel without hotels - sleeping at rest stops in the back of a beat up pickup with an overweight trailer. Wendy and Jenny helped me radically expand my awareness on the Camino de Santiago. Humboldt State University helped me expand that awareness further. Riding my bicycle across the US with Josh will always be two of the best months of my life. The Peace Corps in Ecuador is a cherished year of my life. San Jose State University helped turn me on to Badiou and Zizek, who you may have noticed come up a lot in this blog. Recording multiple rock/folk albums with good friends has been a passionate, creative outpouring of energy. Meeting and marrying Anita has been a great turning point in my life - a treasured partnership. Hiking the John Muir Trail with her and traveling to Wales, the Netherlands, and Japan has deepened our already profound relationship.
What's to come? Topping Mt. Hood, Mt. St. Helens, and Mt. Adams, for one. And much more, I imagine. Maybe even another round of PhD applications.
Love,
Mike
I literally go chills reading this post and listening to your song. I have found that being a well-rounded individual means several different things must be accepted. That hardest of which is that you will not get everything you want, or even deserve. It takes knowing that the way you deal with the pleasure and strife that come your way makes the difference. Acknowledging that being successful in one area of life sometimes means a deficit in another. Those who succeed in academia tend to have to give something else up, and sometimes that means being deprived of an aspect of life that others refuse to let slip away.
ReplyDeleteI choose to think that having those friends and family around me that will provide me with words of encouragement and make me realize how good I have it are invaluable. I wouldn't sacrifice any amount of the mutual respect and love I share with these people to be a "better" scholar. I understand that some people seem to have it all, but when it comes down to it there is something missing for everyone. For some with a successful personal life, their professional life is not even close to what they worked toward. To these individuals (I count myself in this group) I would say that we have it better than most. Doing something you love doesn't matter if you can share it with the people you love.
To the philosopher who has published books but has been married 4 times and cannot seem to have a positive influence on his/her students, I say enjoy your tenure because it's a hell of a lot less then what I've got.
Put it this way, Mike. I think you're a well-rounded individual. You define "success" in a way that I think is humble, modest, encouraging, courageous and, most of all, intelligent. You are a philosopher. And not the kind of philosopher that pushes people ways, but the kind that reels people in and I think academia doesn't appreciate that enough. You will find your professional success. Of this fact I am certain. But it will be when the arena is ready to acknowledge the honest and good intentions you have above the ability to be cynical about things that other people have said.
Love you! -Candace
I love you too, Candace. This is beautifully put. I can't wait to be a part of your wedding with Andrew.
ReplyDelete